01 December 2009


For some reason I just tend to end up stressed in the holiday times.  Money is definitely an issue, but so is traveling and having to manage our time between two families making sure everyone gets equal amounts of time. We also attempt to get our family pictures done during the end of the year.  I'm starting to get stressed that we still have not gotten our pictures done.  We still need to find James a nice white long shirt before we can go and get them done.  We finally have the outfits all worked out except that one.

We also have a  lot of appointments in the next two week.   Michael is going tomorrow morning to get a free live tree to military members and Jade has a Dr.'s appt for her speech, and then on the 8th is my 6 week post partum and then on the 9th we have a DEERS appointment to put Willow in there, and then we'll have to go down to Tricare and make sure she stays on Prime.  Not that we'll be using it much.  I no longer have any faith in Dr.'s really.  I wouldn't be taking Jade if I didn't really believe there's something wrong with her speech.  We have school until the 18th and then we're off until January 4th.  Then we have no more breaks until the end of the year.  They are doing so well in it too.  James is excelling at reading and writing in cursive and Jade is having a little trouble with writing but is reading very well.  She started before she even turned 4.  I am amazed that my little girl could read before the age of 4 (of course that was around the same time I learned to read).

So, my goal for this holiday season to to try and keep my cool, and not stress because it really doesn't help anything!

22 November 2009

I'm watching Jesus Christ Superstar

I love this movie.  But it brought on a discussion between Michael and I concerning Judas.  Most people think Judas is in hell, because he betrayed  Jesus.  I told Michael I don't believe that, and he said that he believes it's possible because Judas has free will and made the choice to betray Jesus.  We both agree that Jesus didn't really have a choice in his life, he didn't have full free will.  God knew and determined what he would do at the big moments.  He probably had say in the small things, but when it came to how, and when he would die, I believe Jesus had no choice.  I also believe that because of this, and because there had to be a betrayer, Judas was chosen by God, for whatever reason to fulfill that part of the story.  So I do not believe Judas had free will at that point in his life and therefore can not be held responsible for his actions.  I don't believe God would punish Judas for doing something He decided must be done.  I'm not sure about his suicide effecting it, but I can imagine he would have been completely overwhelmed after realizing how God had used him.  Deep thoughts.

21 November 2009

Do not comment

on things you know nothing about!  If you are a civilian and do not actually know anything about the military (and no, listening to the news on tv does not count nor does watching movies) then DO NOT COMMENT on people asking questions about it!

Oh and please do not say that breastmilk is lacking anything.  It has vitamin D in it, if your baby is coming up deficient YOU are deficient in vitamin D.  Betcha if you fix your deficiency it'll fix your babies too!


20 November 2009

Home again home again!

We're moving today, to our home on post.  I had been worried about this move for awhile, because of our lease with the place we're renting now.  They did not break leases for moving on post, and we don't have the money to get out of it, but luckily Michael's CPT wrote us a memo saying we had to move on post, so we're covered adn we don't have to pay to break the lease.  We also did not have to pay anything to move in on post.  This is going to help a lot.  Right now we're paying way too much with rent and electricity and gas to get from here to this ought to be a lot cheaper now.

06 November 2009

Life with a newborn

I am exhausted, but I'm happy!  I finally had the birth experience I had always wanted, and it made everything better in a way.  I finally got it right.  I feel like my other kids got gipped in a way but there's nothing I can do about it now. I would encourage any woman to at least consider home birth for their children, or at least a birthing center with a midwife.  The least medical experience you can find because having an un-medicated, un-emergent type birth was the most amazing and wonderful experience.  I let nature and my body do what it was supposed to do, I surrendered to the power of what my body was built and is capable of doing and it was empowering!  I don't think I had ever felt so confident in myself and my body then I did when I was allowing it to do what needed to be done instead of fighting it, or allowing myself to be put in a position where others hindered my body from doing what it was made to do.  Women are made to give birth, and our bodies ARE capable, it's just allowing it to happen that women seem to be scared of.  Pregnancy and birth are not emergency situations, they are normal parts of life and should be treated that way.  I went into labor in the morning, and ate breakfast like it was any other day, I didn't have to feel like I was going to have to rush somewhere to "give birth".  I had her in the afternoon and by the end of the day it again felt like just another day, only now I had this beautiful little creature to hold and snuggle with.

Willow is almost 2 weeks old now and I still can't believe how beautiful and amazing she is and now amazing her birth was compared to the others.  Giving birth in a hospital is definitely not something I would recommend, I just can't settle for second best.

26 October 2009

My Home Birth

I woke up Sunday morning around 6:30 and noticed that I was starting to spot, didn't think a whole lot of it at first, but when I wiped there was more mucous plug and more bloody show.  I was having contractions about every 15-20 min and they were definitely labor contractions.  I made Michael get up and make me eggs :)  So around 8am I went ahead and texted my midwife about what was going on and let her know I'd call if something was up.  She called around 10am to see how things were going and I told her I was still having bloody show and contractions and they were now 6-7 min apart but that I was definitely not in active labor yet.  She said to call her at 12 to update her if nothing happened sooner.  I started getting discouraged then because my contractions, while they were real and doing things they slipped back to about every 20-25 min between 10 and 12.  At 12, since it was cold outside and that's the only place our reception works downstairs Michael went out to call her.  I was still laboring and was using the side of the bed to lean on during contractions while kneeling on the floor.  While Michael was on the phone with her my contractions kicked up gear and I entered active labor.  I could no longer move or talk through the contractions. I had been about to tell Michael to tell her to go ahead and wait another two hours or so, but she heard me and said she was on her way.  Jo Anne showed up about 10 min later and started getting set up, and Christine (my midwife) showed up about 15 min later, she had gotten stuck in traffic for a bit.  I got in the tub not long after they got it all set up, It was probably about 1pm.  I was amazed at how much the pain lessened just by being in the warm water.  I labored in the water leaning up against the edge of the tub while Christine and Michael took turns putting water on my lower back with a cup.  I don't remember having a real transition, my contractions were very irregular during the entire thing.  There were times that the contractions were right on top of each other, and then there were times I'd have a min or two to catch my breath before the next contraction would come on.  I remembered thinking I must have hours to go because it just wasn't painful enough, but still noting that I could feel her moving down into the birth canal.  I felt like I was in way too much control to be that close, but sure enough it was really too long after getting in the tub that I felt the need to push.  I just went with it.  It was very hard, and very painful and I didn't want to do it either, but at the same time I'm so amazed at it!  Michael got in the tub with me, and I leaned on his legs while I pushed leaning back slightly at times and sometimes on all fours.  Christine coached me to slow down sometimes and did perineal massage on me and kept me from tearing.  Willow had a hand up by her chin so it was VERY hard to push but I managed to get her out in about 5 or 6 real good pushes and a couple of small cough pushes.  Christine caught her and handed her to Michael (I stood up for the last push) and then I got to sit down and stare and my little girl!  I thought she looked SO tiny and beautiful!  Tiny she was not but she looked it to me!  I got out of the tub about 5 or so min after, and delivered the placenta as I was getting out of the tub, and then I got to rest for a little bit on the bed and try and nurse.  The rest of it was kind of a blur, I know I got to shower after a bit and then I spent a great deal of time just staring at Willow while resting on the bed.

So Willow Rose entered the world after 2 1/2 hours of active labor on October 25, 2009 at 2:36pm.  9lbs 5oz and 22 3/8 inches long!

The difference I had with this birth and the hospital births is amazing!  I feel amazing!  We're both doing really great and she's nursing like a pro already!

24 October 2009

Due Date!

I'm 40 weeks today.  I made it to my due date :)  This is the first time I've ever made it to this point.  My parents are here for only a couple more days so here's hoping maybe she'll come soon!  I'm so uncomfortable now too, and she is SOO low that it feels like she's going to fall out!  

Just hoping labor will come soon so I can get it over with :)

16 October 2009

So I know it's been a little bit but I've been dealing with all that the end of pregnancy entails.  I have a child's head in between my pelvis and and bearing down and it hurts.  I waddle, my right hip kills me, along with my right leg.  I'm having contractions on and off, some hurt, some don't.  It's very frustrating.  I would really like to have a baby right now.  I'll be 39 weeks tomorrow.  If something doesn't happen in the next week then I'm going  to try some natural methods of induction.

Ugh, I just want to have a baby, so I can sleep more comfortably and hopefully be in a little less pain!

12 October 2009

12 days till my due date

I'm feeling pretty crappy.  I woke up feeling pretty good, Michael let me sleep until 10:30 and I woke up because of a contraction.  I have only had 2 since then.  But now I feel kinda, I don't know, icky.

Hopefully after I eat some lunch I'll be feeling a little better, in fact a pb&j sandwich sounds pretty good!

07 October 2009

Customer Service is a Dying Art

Can someone please enlighten me as to why it takes six different people, 3 hours and constant re-explaining of our problems for AT&T to fix anything?

The first thing I learned about customer service is that if you have to bring them to someone else to solve a problem you do NOT make them repeat their problem.  You do it for them so they don't have to repeat themselves ten million times.

Okay, so here's the deal:  We have an air card, which didn't work in TN/KY and doesn't work here in Augusta, nor do we need it because we have the internet through AT&T and the phone line.  We put it on military hold, or at least we though, well they screwed that up, we still got charged for it.  Then Michael calls to fix it, they say it's fixed and going on military hold.  Great.  Michael's PHONE stopped working!  I'm due in less than 2 weeks and they shut his phone nice!

So he calls back today, at 5, it's now 8 and he's STILL on the phone with them and is now talking to a sixth person and we still don't have everything resolved.  Seriously, this is customer service?  He's telling me it's fine, and I'm telling him it's crap and bad customer service.  He's now outside so he doesn't have to listen to me anymore.  Maybe it's all the contractions I've had today that's making me cranky, but I seriously think it's AT&T!

05 October 2009


I have no clue how next year, when I have to declare James for homeschooling how I'm going to do that when I can't seem to stretch their school time out more than an hour at this point. I'm supposed to keep attendance for them and they are supposed to do 4 hours of school a day but it's just not feasible with them. (I'm talking real sit down doing work school). Guess I'll just count in all the other times we go over things or the kids ask questions about things (they do that a lot). It just seems ridiculous! My 3, almost 4 year old daughter just today read the word "nut". All on her own too. I am so impressed by them, and yet the longest we've had school this year in the past 8 weeks was 65 min, most of the time it's around 35-40 minutes long. They are quick learners. Oh well, I'll figure it out I'm sure. So my parents are planning on being here around the 14/15th. I'm excited. I told Mom that she might want to wait until closer to the 39th week mark because that's around when i think I'm going to have her, and that I'd just keep her up to date on what's going on. I have no clue though, this pregnancy is turning out to be way different than my other ones. Last Thursday I started having about a contraction an hour, so I figured yay, something familiar, but it was just that day. The past couple of days I've had contractions sporadically. It's hard for me because I like knowing what's going on and I don't. I feel like I should know more, it's not like I'm a first time Mom this is my 4th child! Oh and this was funny to me, given my support of breastfeeding and all the things I've said that could offend someone when it comes to the whole breastfeeding/formula feeding debate, I managed to offend someone by saying that I couldn't understand how someone could give their child formula because it smells. Really? I've said MUCH worse things about formula (not in that particular post on cafemom, but in general) and someone gets offended because I said it smells? Well it does! Then they came back with the argument that they've never seen a difference in the health of a ff baby and a bf baby. Yea, well I see it all the time. My husband was breastfed and I was formula fed. I'm sick A LOT (which may or may not be from being formula fed) but if you look at my kids, the healthiest one of us is Steven. He's had like 2 fevers and the sniffles in his whole life. He breastfed until 18 months and he's also the only one of us NOT vaccinated and yet he's the healthiest..... I just don't understand how someone can get offended by me saying formula smells.....oh well, can't please everyone.

04 October 2009

I turned 37 weeks yesterday.  I'm trying very hard to get things ready for our new arrival who could come any time now, and yet everything that needs to be done now requires me to have help.

My help at the moment is asleep on the couch because he slept for almost 4 hours yesterday at the end of the day and then stayed awake into extremely late last night so now he probably won't want to wake up for another hour or so and so my whole morning is shot.  

The kids woke me up this morning being extremely loud.  When I asked them to please go in the other room and play quietly so I could get a little more sleep since I woke up exhausted and all I was bombarded with "daddy said I could do this, daddy said I could do that".  Ugh, like I care what Daddy in his sleep deprived state, I need sleep!  How am I going to deliver a baby if I don't get enough rest or have anything done???

Yesterday all I wanted to do was have Michael check the damn outlet to see if we needed to call maintenance or the lady to fix the problem with our dryer, and then I wanted to go grocery shopping so I could walk around some and to get the rest of the things we need for the birth so i can feel settled.  Then today I wanted to get laundry done with our working dryer (cause it would have been fixed) but I can't do anything today because Michael didn't help me accomplish what I wanted to be done yesterday.  I have no clue how to check outlets, so I can't do that on my own and even if I did know how I couldn't move the dryer out of the way, and I can no longer drive because my stomach sticks out way too much in the front so I can't even go shopping by myself.

I'm just so frustrated now!

01 October 2009

I am almost 37 weeks and I'm tired of being pregnant!  I know I know a few more weeks and it'll be all be over but ugh.  I'm so uncomfortable.  I know everyone gets this way at the end, well most people anyways.  

I'm ready though to meet my newest child, not just for the end of pregnancy.  Plus with her being posterior her limbs are all stretching out the front of me and it hurts!!!  Not even Jade caused me this much pain and she was posterior also.  I don't know if it's cause she is probably smaller than Willow will be or what but I guess it doesn't matter because I can't really change anything.

I was all set to write more, but I think it'll have to wait, the kids are begging for attention and Steven definitely needs a nap now.  Plus I've been having some fun contractions all day so I think I may just go lay down shortly.

27 September 2009

36 weeks

I turned 36 weeks yesterday.  I have 1 more week until I can have Willow and she's not considered premature, it'll also mark the place where my midwife will attend the birth and I won't have to go to the hospital to have her!  We have almost everything ready.  We have just a few more things to buy for the birth, like a plastic drop cloth, and some overnight pads (which will be very helpful).  Can't get any of this till payday though.  Lacking in funds.  But, yay for Michael being in the Army for 4 years, that was a slight pay raise and then on October 1st he gets pinned for Sgt!  I'm so proud of him and this promotion was a long time coming!  

So back to Willow and me.  My right hip is killing me, Willow is pushing down ALOT and I'm feeling SO much pressure now not only when I go upstairs, but all the time, when I'm walking.  Moving around, sitting, laying down all of it's painful and the pressure!  Ugh, I don't remember being in this much pain from the pressure with the other 3!  It's crazy!

I'm to the point where I'm not sleeping, so I just feel crappy, and i'm having contractions, real and BH constantly throughout the day and night and they take my breath away if I don't start feeling them at first.  Gee, maybe this was the part of pregnancy I hated???

But, not too much longer and I can have her, no matter what by next month I'll have a new beautiful little girl and that's what matters most!

24 September 2009

Ugh, the army sucks sometimes

Last pay check was a lot less than it should have been, so we got today's LES and apparently AAFES took money out of the check.  Ok, but why?  We've been paying our star cards, on time and with the appropriate payments so *why* did they take $325 freaking dollars out?  I would really like to know!!

But on the up side Michael is on the list of people promoted for October so yay!

22 September 2009

Do you want to date my avatar?

I love this song....don't know why, just do!

20 September 2009

Today was just.....yea.

and I'm really starting to hate the state of Ga. Okay well maybe not all of it, I do like peaches, they are pretty yummy. Being here has just been one bad thing after another. Plus, Michael was gone for over 5 hours today and didn't help me at all in the bottom to get things ready for the birth. I'm 35 weeks pregnant I NEED to have a place ready to give birth. I can't move all the boxes so I NEED his help. He spent most of his time at his granny's being told we're horrible parents for not vaccinating Steven or Willow. I'm tired of hearing it from them. Seriously. We are adults and have done our research and have made our informed choice. We are NOT against vaccinations. I think that coming up with vaccines is a good and worthy cause but I do not think the vaccines we have out today are completely safe either. I feel the same about all the medicines out there. You have to weigh the risks and benefits and choose which one you feel the most comfortable with. We don't feel that our kids are at a high enough risk at this point to vaccinate them. If we were to be stationed overseas, or in Korea especially then you can bet we'd be getting them fully vaccinated. It's just so frustrating being told that because we're so "young" we don't know anything. Well you know what, when do we become "old" enough to know things then? Because I can bet you that when I'm in my 50's and 60's I'll still believe that kids are overwhelmed with vaccines. Although maybe when I'm that old I'll be able to see more of the long term effects of the vaccines we're overloading our children with. I'm also tired of hearing that parents who choose not to vaccinate are irresponsible or are "abusing" their children. I don't think that people who allow their children to be injected with heavy metals and known carcinogens are abusing their children so who are they to judge us? I think this whole debate is stupid. Do what you feel is best for you and your children and just make sure you're making an informed decision and not just what "they" say is best!

19 September 2009

Show me!

Those who think that society has “gone too far” in supporting breastfeeding, that mothers who formula feed are demonised and breastfeeding mothers aren’t:
Show me the women who are losing their jobs for formula feeding.
Show me the women who are being kicked out of restaurants, swimming pools, gyms, childcare centres, and airplanes for formula feeding.
Show me the immigrant women whose babies are removed because, among other things, they planned to formula feed.
Show me the women who have been ordered to cease or interrupt formula feeding by family courts.
Show me the women who have been inappropriately ordered to stop formula feeding by doctors and child health care nurses because of concerns that the formula feeding is causing the baby to be too big, too small, too loud, too anything. Show me the Child Protection reports that ensue when mothers are sceptical and non-compliant with this uninformed “advice”.
Show me the people who, on seeing a bottle pulled out in a public place, will wrinkle their nose and say in disgust, “Are you going to do that here?”
Show me the people who won’t allow infant formula in an office fridge because it could be carrying disease.
Show me the people who insist that bottles of infant formula should be covered with a brown paper bag so as not to gross bystanders out.
Show me the people who insist that all bottle feeding should be covered with a blanket, you filthy sluts.
Show me the people who say that women who choose to bottle feed should just stay home until their child is drinking from a cup. They made their bed, so they should lie in it.
Show me the people who say that formula feeding shouldn’t be allowed in public because they don’t have time to explain such adult concepts to their children.
Show me the people who won’t allow formula feeding in an area because the area is designated “family friendly”.
Show me the women who have had a gun pointed at them for not stopping a bottle feed in a public building in which they’re entitled to bottle feed.
Show me the women who have been accused of formula feeding because they’re paedophiles.
Show me the mainstream media forums in which it’s just fine to call women “filthy”, “perverted”, “gross”, and “cow-like” because they formula feed.
Show me the women who have been followed back to their workplace and questioned by police for preparing a bottle of formula in a parenting room designated for that purpose.
Show me the shocked gasps and silences when a woman has a glass of wine, a second latte, or a painkiller while bottle feeding.
Show me the documentaries on “Extreme Formula Feeding”, followed by an outpouring of public outrage about how those kids will be psychologically and sexually fucked up for life.
Show me the explosion in unethical corporate advertising lies promoting non-formula-feeding on an unprecented scale. Show me the massive outpourings of free corporate-supplied breastfeeding support to developing countries and disaster zones. Show me the tens of millions of dollars donated by individuals and companies to urgently get breastfeeding support to women and children in need. Show me the giant hollow breasts used as money collection devices for children in need.
Show me the daycare centres who charge fifty dollars more per week for formula fed babies.
Show me all these things, and then we’ll talk.

18 September 2009

I went back to my livejournal yesterday

So now I can try and keep up with both.....really wish there was a way to link so I only had to post on one, it would be much easier, especially with Willow being born in the next month or so but I guess I'll just have to try and work it out.

I really do enjoy blogging, it helps me get things out there, emotionally and intellectually.  You have got to use your brain or you'll lose it :).

So today is the last day for week 6 of school, we've made it through 6 whole weeks after today's lessons!!  The kids are doing great with it, and James is doing so well.  I think he's ready to get more advanced language lessons starting next year.  I think I'll go ahead and buy all the 1st grade curriculum from Abeka and then supplement with some 2nd grade workbooks from Walmart or Barnes and Noble or somewhere.

Jade is doing pretty good learning how to write also, but she doesn't make really dark lines so it's kind of hard to tell.  She is learning phonics VERY well though, and has caught on quicker than James did.  I may work on cursive writing with her during the summer and then put her in 1st grade too next year but we'll see how the rest of this year goes.  I was thinking about doubling up her lessons and then just giving her more time to practice handwriting, and then moving her into kindergarten this year, but with Willow being born soon I don't want to overwhelm myself or anyone else right now.

As for Willow, I'm feeling so ready to have her.  Tomorrow I am 35 weeks, so in 2 weeks I'll be full term and in 5 weeks is her due date.  I'm feeling super crampy right now, lots of BH going on, no back pain, other than the normal though.  Also TMI my nipples HURT so bad.  Anything touching them causes them pain.  I'm not concerned at this point with the cramping since I'm normally in early labor for weeks but it is getting kind of annoying.

I think that's it for my update as of right now....

16 September 2009

Is Formula Deadly?

Is infant formula dangerous to your baby’s health? It’s becoming more and more difficult to hide from the answer: “yes.”

A May 2004 study in the journal Pediatrics, Breastfeeding and the Risk of Postneonatal Death in the United States, reports a 21 percent reduction in death for infants who had ever been breastfed.Infants who were breastfed for any amount for three months of any breastfeeding had death rates 36 percent lower than infants who had less or no breastfeeding at all — that’s 36 percent fewer infant deaths!

If researchers had compared three months of exclusive breastfeeding to no breastfeeding at all, the number would have been closer to 50 percent — the same number as found in my research analysis, The Deadly Influence of Formula in America.

And that’s just in industrialized nations. A large-scale study taking place in poor areas of Ghana, India and Peru in 2005 found a shocking 10.5 times the number of deaths among non-breastfed babies than for those exclusively breastfed. Partially breastfed infants had 2.5 times the risk of death.

Why formula?
Infant formula was designed to be a medical nutritional tool for babies who are unable to breastfeed. Formula does not fully meet the nutritional and immunity needs of infants, leaving their immune systems flailing. An infant’s immune system has three aspects: her own immature, developing immune system; the small component of immunities that passes through the placenta during natural childbirth (and to a lesser degree with premature births and cesarean sections); and the most valuable, living portion that is passed on through mother’s milk on an ongoing basis. Remove any of those components and you take away a vital support structure.

This brings us face to face with the safety and effectiveness of infant formula as a breast milk substitute. Is formula actually as safe as we have been led to believe? In fact, the answer is a resounding “no.” In fact, the use of infant formula doubles the risk of infant death for American babies.

What do the facts say?
While the dangers of formula feeding aren’t something you’re likely to hear in your doctor’s office, the conclusions can be derived through an examination of the available scientific research on infant mortality in the United States and across the world. There are studies showing artificial feeding’s impact on overall infant death rates in both developing and undeveloped countries. While studies offering comparative death rates are not available for industrialized regions, there are numerous studies providing comparative occurrence rates for many illnesses and disorders in the United States and other industrialized nations. Many more reports are available extolling superior survival rates and decreased illness rates among breastfed infants, but only those with solid numbers are useful here. We can assemble the statistics from these studies to build a firm picture of the ratio of infant deaths for U.S. formula-fed babies against those who are breastfed.

15 September 2009

34 week appt

I had my appt with my midwife today.  It went great.  Baby's heartbeat was 138 and she's head down and almost ready to go.  She's turned a little the wrong way but I'm sure she'll turn back soon.

So my next visit is the home visit on the 29th :)

14 September 2009


LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT Obama's health care plan will be written by a committee whose head says he doesn't understand it, passed by a Congress that hasn't read it and whose members will be exempt from it, signed by a president who smokes, funded by a treasury chief who did not pay his taxes, overseen by a surgeon general who is obese, and financed by a country that is broke. What could possibly go wrong?

That's not my quote, I'm not quite so eloquent.  I saw it on facebook where one of my very intelligent friends CH wrote it in response to something his sister in law said, from what I gathered.

It makes a lot of sense though.  What could possibly go wrong?  I've already heard the excuse "well we're already broke so what does it matter what we spend now"?  But the truth is, that spending more is NOT the answer!  I know this, and if you took any financial classes, or for that matter math classes in college you'd know it too.  Spending more will not make your deficit less it will make it grow.

As for healthcare I do believe we need an overhaul but I do not believe the government needs to be in control of it.  Right now the insurance companies are in control, and things are pretty crappy so how does the government really think they can make things better?  Medicare and medicaid are certainly not better and yet we trust the government to make general healthcare better than it is now?  I have government run healthcare and while yes, it's great to not have to pay anything, I am not really impressed with the quality of care or my lack of options I receive.  I cannot decide what care I can get, not even my doctor can.  We have to rely on what Tricare (the government) is willing to pay for or offer to me based on a checklist of options.  I'm a number on a sheet, not a person with a real problem.

What we need is for patients and doctors to be in control of healthcare.  Healthcare is not a basic right, it's a privilege and is something we should pay for.  Helping people out when they are down is fine, but it should not be forced.  Churches help with charity all the time, and usually provide better care, then government run welfare.  But, we can't do that because then we'd be forcing religion right?

I will pray for this country, we need it!

13 September 2009

The army hates us.

So I can now write about the army.....Michael is going on a convoy tomorrow.  It's not very far, up to Fort Jackson.  What's really funny though is that they are telling them to pack for THREE takes 1 1/2 hours approx to get to Fort Jackson.  So now to prepare we have to get all the kids up at 3am to be able to leave at 3:30 and get him there in time to hand out weapons.


12 September 2009

As a Follow Up from Yesterday

I read the above link and felt completely moved by the thoughts of this soldier in Afghanistan.  I think that everyone should read and appreciate all that our soldiers are doing for us, and for the countries we are in.  Even if you don't support the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, support our soldiers!

11 September 2009

I will never forget

I am not posting a lot today.  Today is one for reflection, but this should be a moment in time that we take at least once a day.  Remembering those in our country who died because of another countries actions.  All the victims of terrorists, abroad and local.  We should also take a little time every day to think of our families back home, waiting on their loved ones deployed and fighting for our freedoms, and for those soldiers who are fighting.  Protecting us from ever having to go through another day like we did eight years ago.

God Bless America, and the men and women in it.

10 September 2009

It's been a long day.  The days seem to be getting longer as this pregnancy progresses.  It's partly because I'm at the end of the pregnancy and it's exhausting to be this huge and having to walk up stairs every time I have to pee which is pretty much all the time, but also because I've been having trouble sleeping.  My body is now producing the relaxin hormone and because of that my hips are spreading some and it hurts!  It's mostly on my right side, and if I lay on my right side for too long I end up barely able to walk on my right leg the next morning.  Because of all this my most constant thought throughout the day is "I can have her as early as 3 weeks 2 days from now"!

She's so low now that I can feel her pushing down when I walk up the stairs, and whenever I have any contraction, real or BH.  I'm having at least 1 real contraction a day now and several BH.  I'm looking forward to not being pregnant anymore.  I love the feeling of a baby inside me, but I'm getting pretty miserable now.

09 September 2009

Does Labor Hurt?

Of course labor hurts, but are there ways to keep it from hurting?  Most people when thinking about giving birth and the pain that is normally associated with it know that when they get to the hospital they can just get an epidural or pain meds and then it'll make it all better.  Unfortunately epidurals do not always numb people the way they expect, and they still feel pain, or it works and then their labor stalls and they have to get pitocin, and then the baby goes into distress and they end up with a c-section that wasn't needed.  I have experience with pain meds.  I received nubain and trust me when I say it doesn't help the pain.  It didn't even take the "edge" off like the nurse promised me it would.  Contractions go in a wave, and the narcotic took of the beginning and end of that wave but the middle was still felt.  Instead of having the warning that intense pressure (pain) was coming I was bombarded by pain.  While that pain didn't last long, it did take my breath away and leave me throbbing in pain afterwards.  There was no time to prepare no time to breath through it and make the pain lessen.

It is a fact that if you are in pain, deep relaxed breathing will make the pain lessen.  There's not doubting this fact, it's well established so why do so many women feel the need to take medicines that take your ability to breathe through and relax through contractions away?  What are women afraid of?  I think that women have lost confidence in their bodies abilities to give birth without medicine or doctors telling them what to do.  This is not true.  Pregnancy, labor and birth are all NATURAL parts of life.  Even if you were knocked out your body would eventually give birth on it's own because it KNOWS what to do!!  God made women capable of giving birth and what we need to do is go back to the thinking that He created our bodies to do what needs to be done and trust in His ultimate wisdom!  

This is why I'm not afraid of having a homebirth.  I'm not sick, there's nothing wrong with me, I'm a healthy young woman.  Pregnancy is natural and normal and a gift from God and I will treat it that way.  I trust my midwife to know if something is wrong and not natural and if she finds something abnormal and I will trust in the wisdom God gave the doctors if need be, but until then I will say home with my family and share this moment in my life as if nothing abnormal was happening because it's not.  I love the idea of being surrounded by my family while we welcome our new addition into it fills me with joy  I also know that I will not be risking my child or me with infections we have never been exposed to in a hospital setting.  All our germs in our home we have already been exposed to, are immune to.  I have no worry of infections or sickness in my own home, I would be worrying about it in the hospital.  

As for pain, I'm approaching the labor with the mindset that yes, this will be painful in some parts.  Of course it will, I'll be moving a child out of my body but I will also be able to breathe and relax through the contractions I will have support from my midwife, my husband, my Mom, my sister.  Labor is hard work but I know my body can do what needs to be done and I will work with my body rather than against it.  I will help my body move my daughter down and out the way she's supposed to.  I'm looking forward to the pain, knowing that once I get through the pain I'll be able to hold my little girl.  The pain is worth it.  This is the mindset I will keep as I begin having contractions.  Each contraction, each pressure, I'll know is opening me up, moving her down, bringing me just one step closer to meeting my little girl.

My Willow Rose.

08 September 2009


Today Obama is addressing the public school children.  The message itself isn't bad, nor does it seem to have any political agenda which is great.  It's mostly, stay in school, work hard and you can achieve things.  All an awesome message, however, teachers were also given instructions on what they can talk about afterwards.  I have an issue with this "discussions" as it's asking the students what they think they should do for their president, what he's asking them to do and what will they do for their president.  Last I checked we didn't work for the president but he worked for us.  We should ask what we can do to make our country better, not help our president out.  That right there is what I have an issue with.  My children will not be subjected to it however, as we do not have cable and I homeschool.  I would like to see how it plays out though, and if any real liberal agenda is pushed into the speech on his own.....

07 September 2009

Michael's Granny gave me the idea

for this post.  She asked me if my baby would have the antibiotics they put in the baby's eyes as soon as they are born.  She was concerned when I told her that no, she would not.  She inquired about the law, and I said the law states that those who are licensed to distribute medicine in the state of Ga are required to administer the antibiotics.  As my midwife is not licensed to administer medicine she is not held to that law, but you still have the right to refuse to allow the antibiotic treatment, law or not.  I then informed her of how we should not be giving all babies the ointment to begin with.  It started out, as most things do, to help babies keep from getting eye infections and going blind.  The problem is, we have tests now that inform us if our babies actually need the ointment and they are done at the primary prenatal appointments.  Your baby ONLY needs the ointment IF the mother has gonorrhea or chlamydia.  If the mother has one of those STD's it's safer to administer the antibiotic ointment then risk the child getting the STD through the eyes.  However, if the mother does not have it, the antibiotic does nothing but lower it's response to the antibiotic the next time they may need it and hinder the bonding process as the baby can see perfectly for only a short time after birth before their vision goes blurry.  This bonding time should be encouraged and not countered by putting something in their eyes that will make it hard for them to see, and therefore bond with their mom's and dad's...

So that's my natural post of today :)
I would honestly like to know how someone can say that an unborn child is not a child, say that they can be aborted, that's it's the mother's choice and then turn around and say that the mother cannot choose the way she gives birth.

If you have never been you should really visit here:  they just had an blog about some woman forced into c-sections.  Court ordered.  The unborn child was declared a "ward of the state" and the rights of the unborn child were placed above the rights of the mother to choose not to have a major abdominal surgery.

We can't have it both ways right?  Either the unborn child has rights, or it doesn't!  Since at this stage it's completely legal to have an abortion at any trimester than I don't think the court should have any way to uphold the rights of the child, because if the mother chooses to she can abort the child up until it's born, so she should also be allowed to choose the way the baby is born because her "rights" as a mother are more important, or at least according to the laws on abortion they are.

Just some food for thought.

By the way, here's the direct link for the blog where several women were forced into having unneccesarians.

06 September 2009

I've often wondered how people can separate themselves so completely from their husband's job when their husband is in the army.  I've read many people who talk about living off post, having standard so they can see civilian doctor's and such but really how can you separate?  Does it really separate you enough to be happy?  

I feel like in order to get anything out of the career my husband has chosen we have to live the lifestyle in return.  I knew when he signed on the dotted line that I would be sacrificing a lot, and I have.  I've sacrificed school opportunities, holidays and birthdays with my husband.  I've been a single mom to my kids for over 2 1/2 years of the 4 he's been in, not counting FTX's and other trainings.  

I have never though, in all of these sacrifices felt like I have given myself up.  I'm still me, with my own beliefs and passions.  I sew, and read, and go out with my friends when I'm able to.  Even being a mommy now hasn't changed who I am.  I've never allowed myself to be lost so I'm not just "S----'s wife" or "James, Jade, Steven's Mommy".  I'm Crystal and all that that entails.

So, I signed up for the sacrifices and I feel that it's okay to be immersed and take advantage of all that the army offers us for these sacrifices. I enjoy the free healthcare, shopping on post and having no tax, having different services available for free, or little to no cost.  I think that with my husband's choice of career it's great to be immersed.

Although I do think that the Army could really better housing for the lower enlisted, we have families too, and we would like to live in decent housing that has enough actual space for our family.  A 4 bedroom with only 1000 sq ft doesn't cut it.

05 September 2009

Today i am 33 weeks pregnant.  Only 7 weeks until my due date and 4 weeks until I'm considered full term.  I'm starting to have more "real" contractions then BH but they are still far apart in time but the contractions are getting more intense and are definitely pushing Willow down.

I got a hold of my sister on Thursday.  I've been very concerned about her.  She's in a relationship that I don't think is very healthy, but there's nothing I can do about it.  She's an adult.  I did ask her though if she'd like to come stay with me for two weeks and be here for the birth and she said yes and so we're both really excited about it!  Now I just need to figure out when my Mom is going to be able to come up here.

I'm getting tired and I'm so excited to be at the end of this pregnancy, I just keep repeating to myself that it's almost over!!!  No more after this, yay!  She is definitely running out of room inside, and keeps pushing her butt up in my ribs and clawing at my cervix.  Not sure I'm going to miss that specific part really.  The moving around sure, because it is a neat feeling but not the pain associated with it.

We're going to hopefully go shopping soon for all the supplies I'm going to need for the birth and I'm going to need to buy the birth kit soon!

04 September 2009

The Joys of the Army

So I hear the LES is up for our midmonth and I decide to check it, and we're getting paid almost $150 less on the 15th.  UGH!!!

This is frustrating me, we're strapped for cash as it is we NEED that extra $150!!!

03 September 2009

I'm hopefully going to be able to keep up posting something once a day

That's my goal anyways.  I really don't have an entirely interesting life so it's hard for me to find things to write about, but I'll try because someone, somewhere may get some information worth using right?  I woke up this morning at 5:30 because my husband almost always manages to wake me up when he gets up because it usually takes about 3 times of the alarm (both of our phone alarms) going off before he'll actually get up out of the bed.  Which means I'm waking up at 3:30, 4:00 and 4:30 at least to let him know the time and trying to encourage him to get up out of bed and get dressed.  This is usually after pushing him to go to bed the night before and finally getting him up there around midnight.  He did go to bed at 9:30 last night though, after the kids went to bed so he got a little more sleep than usual. 

We forgot to make Jade go potty before bed though so she ended up peeing in her bed last night, so what does my husband do this morning?  He tells me, and then he informs me that all he did was move her to another part of the bed.  He left her IN her panties and pants that were pee soaked....nice.  So I got up at 5:30 in the morning, got Jade up, put a diaper on her just in case she decided to pee again in her sleep and made her get into my bed, then stripped her bed, since my wonderful husband couldn't take another 5 seconds to do it himself and ended up stretching my back which now hurts, and my stomach.  My back hurting is the worst, the stomach pain goes away but now my right leg is going numb because of the stupid spina bifidia occulta and I can't do the exercises that would make it better because it would stretch out my stomach muscles and that would just be even more pain.

I also have a sink full of dishes that Michael said he'd put in the dishwasher last night....and then he fell asleep of course.  I just emptied the dishwasher completely, and I'll be leaving the dishes for Michael to do because bending down just to get the dishes hurt my back quite a bit so yea, not going to happen.  Now I need to figure out what brunch is going to be, when we have very little clean dishes to use :)  Probably some fruit.

I'm thinking, given how today has been already that this is not going to be one of those great days, but I need the kids eating so I can do school with them soon.

02 September 2009

So the big question is....

what kind of cloth diapers am I going to get???  I have prefolds already thanks to the amazing Amanda, but no snappies or covers.  So I'm trying to think if it would be worth it to buy some covers and snappies for Willow until she's around 5-6 months old and is on the move and then switch to the AIO's or if I should just start out with the AIO's.  I just don't know.  The covers are a little cheaper though and I wouldn't have to use as many.  But AIO's are sooo convenient!  I guess the first thing I should do is worry about getting a washer and a dryer first.

01 September 2009

Birth Plan

In General:

Ideally, if all goes smoothly, I hope that the midwife who attends me in labour will 
  • support and encourage me, using her experience to guide me through labour and offer suggestions, including reminding me to move often and ideas for positions that may help with pain and progression (as I tend to stick in one spot and would rather move and help with labor rather than stay in one position).

The labour:

I would like to remain active and use whatever position I find comfortable. Please encourage me to stay off my back!
I may wish to move throughout the house and to use shower from time to time, but would prefer to use the birth tub as labor progresses to transition, to prepare for pushing.
I would like to minimize internal examinations
Please do not offer to break my waters, and please be very careful to avoid doing so during any internal examinations. 
If the baby appears to be poorly positioned or labour is not progressing well for some reason, I would appreciate it if you could suggest changes of position or movements which might help.
I would like to have soft music playing during the labour 
I would like hushed voices once I reach the end of the active stage of labor and during transition, I need quiet and calm in order to work with my body and all loud noises will be a distraction.
I would like to be encouraged to eat and drink during labor, but fluids more readily available than food as I don’t always feel like eating during labor, but am usually very thirsty.

Birth Companions

The following people may come to my home during the labour or birth:
My husband Michael
My oldest child James as long as he is quiet and calm
My mother Mary and her care taker Chris or Husband Bill (who will more than likely be taking care of the kids at the time though).
If Michael’s parents are present they may be allowed as long as they do not bring any negative energy into the room.
I do not wish to have any other family members present than the ones listed above.

If you will be using a birth pool:

I would like to have a water birth if possible and would appreciate your support in encouraging me to give birth underwater.

Pain relief:

I obviously do not want any pain medication but options on different breathing methods or positions is welcome for pain management while in labor.

The birth:

I would like to inform you of when I am ready to push, and if the urge is not too overwhelming will allow an internal exam to confirm that I am fully dilated, but I do not wish to wait if the urge if overwhelming.
I would like to give birth in the birthing tub
I would like to give birth in an all fours or upright squatting position if possible, I do not want to be on my back and I want to be encouraged to stay off my back.  I would also like any and all ideas to help minimize tearing.
I would like perineal massage if possible in the position I am birthing in, and other techniques to minimize tearing.
I would like Michael to catch the baby if he is willing otherwise I would like her handed to me as soon as she is born.
I would like the lights dimmed when my baby is born, and for the minimum amount of noise to be made. I hope that it will be a gentle entry into the world.

Third Stage:

Please do not cut the cord until it stops pulsating, and only offer help delivering the placenta if I ask for it.

If I give birth in the pool, I would like to get out of the water for the third stage.

We do not wish to keep the placenta

Care of the baby:

I would like to breastfeed my baby as soon as possible after the birth
I would like to keep the baby unclothed and close to my skin immediately after birth, to maximize skin-to-skin contact
 Please do not administer prophylactic Vitamin K after the birth. If the birth is traumatic for the baby or there is some other risk factor for HDN, I will be happy to discuss this with the midwife and allow vitamin K if we both decide it is appropriate.

Repair of the Perineum, if necessary

I would prefer to avoid stitches on small tears, but larger tears I would like to have stitched.

In case of transfer to hospital:

 If transfer by ambulance becomes necessary, please do not strap me in on my back - I would prefer to be on my side, to make contractions easier to deal with 
Please do not offer any type of pain medications including narcotics and/or epidural.
I do not agree to student doctors being present during my treatment
I do not consent to the antibiotic eye ointment being administered
My daughter is not to receive any vaccinations, I will sign the waiver.
I would like to avoid a caesarean section if it is at all possible, as I do not want to enter future labours with a scarred uterus. I particularly would like to avoid a caesarean just for slow progress. If labour is simply taking a long time but my baby is not in immediate danger, please would you encourage me to keep going and perhaps to try changes of position or movements which might help. Please do not offer a caesarean unless my baby is in danger.
I do not consent to the use of pitocin, but will try it before consenting to a caesarean.
If a caesarean section becomes necessary, I would prefer to remain awake with epidural or spinal block anesthesia. I would like my partner to stay with me at all times, and would like to breastfeed the baby as soon after birth as possible.
Note: I have spina bifida occulta on my L3 vertebrae.

If there are problems after the birth:

 Please do not admit my baby to Special Care simply for observation, but only if there is a specific reason for concern.

Baby Feeding

I will be breastfeeding and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is my child to receive ANYTHING but my breastmilk!  No exceptions!  I do not want her to have formula of any kind as my colostrums will do her more good than formula will and yes I’ll have enough of it to help with any sugar problems, and in the case of jaundice I do not give, and will not give consent to a formula supplementation.
My baby is also not to have any artificial nipples, no paci’s!

Going Home

I would like to go home as soon after the birth as I am able to move, unless I or the baby has health problems which require hospital treatment.

Home birth just as safe as hospital birth!

I've been trying to think of something to share this morning.  There are so many things I'm passionate about but I'm still coming up at a loss for what to write.  So instead I'm going to share a news article I think speaks volumes.  Especially when it's coming from a news station.

31 August 2009

Stolen from the comments of the Tampa Bay Business Journal

Newly Proposed Peramble To The Constitution: "We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt ridden, delusional, and other liberal bed-wetters. We hold these truths to be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights." ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth.. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything. ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be. ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy. ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes .. ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in public health care. ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair. ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a life of leisure. ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!) ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights. ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you came from! (Lastly....) ARTICLE XI:You do not have the right to change our country's history or heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with it, TOUGH!
I was 32 weeks on Saturday, so I'm in the home stretch now at 8 months pregnant.  Only 7 weeks and 5 days until my due date and only 4 week and 5 days until I am considered full term.  I know I won't be having her at 37 weeks, but I really doubt I'll be making it to 40 weeks either.  She is now in a head down, anterior position so she's getting ready to go!  I haven't dropped completely yet, but I would definitely say she is engaged in my pelvis.  I'm getting excited and nervous.  We still have a lot to do down in on the bottom floor and I feel like it's never going to get done.  My home visit is in just 3 weeks and I need to have everything ready to go and I just feel like it's not going to happen.  We also need to pay the midwife another $100 for renting the birthing tub.  I wrote out my birth plan also, and will be posting it on here after I edit it a little more and there's one or two things I'd like to add to it also so once I've done that I'll put it in another posting.

I also have my most recent tummy pics but once again that will have to be another post :)
So a little about me, because if you're actually reading my blog you may actually want to know where I'm coming from.

I'm a Florida girl born and raised and Florida will always be my home....eventually I may even end up back in the state for good, but for now I'm moving back and forth and all over with my husband.

Speaking of my husband, I've been married for 4 1/2 years, and been with him for 12 years in September. He was my high school sweetheart :) Michael has been my rock and helped me through some times in my life that were both good and bad and I'm thankful that I have him. We also have 3 kids, James who is 5, Jade who will be 4 in November, and Steven who will be 2 in November and we are expecting Willow who is due late October. My kids and my husband are my life, under God of course.

The things that make me who I am are God first and foremost, then my family, both my immediate ones I have right now, and the family I grew up with. I have a very close family and although we have our moments where life interferes I know that I can count on them if I really have a need. They are just awesome like that.

As for my views, I am conservative with most of my views and have been since I was 8 years old. I am for less government, I don't want to be told by the government, when, how, or how much. Especially when it comes to my children. I do want the government to provide protection, public education for those who choose to utilize it (although it should be adequate and not the way it is now), and help for those who need it, but I do not believe in lifetime welfare. In fact I think that church's and not for profit organizations should be encouraged to help those in need more than the gov't should be required to give it. I believe in the right to access to things like healthcare, jobs, and money, but that we are not entitled to any of these things and we must work for them.

As for parenting, I am an AP parent, which just means that the needs of my children are put before mine MOST of the time. Not all of the time, but I nurse/feed when they are hungry, not when I say they should be, and sleep when they are tired. I encourage night time sleeping, so I am most definitely NOT allowing my children to just play all night long, but during the day I allow naps when they are tired, even if it means I miss out on doing something, or running an errand or something like that. My children do not run my life, but I do think there are certain things that parents should sacrifice and realize they have to sacrifice when having children. I also breastfeed until the baby is ready to stop, I don't force that issue, it's a mixture of nutrition and comfort after a year old and the benefits of breastfeeding after a year continue, it doesn't stop magically as soon as the baby turns 12 months old. I baby wear my infants constantly, and my older infants moderately because I believe that closeness develops bonds that encourage Independence. Once your child feels comfortable in relying on you, they are more likely to go out and seek independence on their own rather than being pushed into it. Same with our co-sleeping. We bed share and co-sleep from birth until the 1st year at least, and then slowly encourage the transition to their own beds. This has worked very well and all three of our children sleep in their own beds, with only cuddles in the morning.

I am also one of those weird non-vaxing moms. My oldest two are fully vaccinated at this point, but will not be receiving any more vaccines, and my youngest hasn't received any, and will in total receive 4 vaccines and so will our new little girl. I have done extensive research into what is in vaccines, and the history of vaccines, and feel this is what's best for our family. I do not believe vaccines are the miracle a lot of people believe they are as the diseases that vaccines have claimed to "cure" were all on a decline long before the vaccine was introduced.

We are also a homeschooling family. We chose this method of education mostly because of my husband's career as a solider in the Army but it works on many levels for us. It has been challenging at times but it works well for us. We don't have to worry about moving from school to school as my husband gets new orders, or the quality of the schools we attend and we have more freedom to learn whenever or wherever we are.

I will post more blogs as I go along about the things I'm passionate about, including my home birth that is coming up :)