Engagement

Michael and I technically got engaged twice, with a break up in between.

The first time, was not ideal.  Michael asked me to pick out a ring.  In my excitement I went ahead and bought it because I had the money to.  Michael wouldn't let me wear it until he "proposed" although I wasn't really all that concerned with a real proposal, I just wanted to marry Michael.  He however wanted to do things "right".  I got impatient however, and kept bugging him, wondering when he was going to finally ask me.  We got into a fight one afternoon, and he threw a pile of clothes at me.  He hid a heart box with the ring in it inside the clothes. He asked me to fold the clothes, and so I started doing it, yelling at him that I wasn't a slave or anything, and found the box.  Then he told me that he loved me even when we were fighting and that he wanted to marry me.

The 2nd time, was actually the 3rd time asking, the first time I turned him down because I felt he was only doing it because we had just found out we were pregnant with James.  The next time was before we decided to conceive Jade.  It was more of a conversation really, a "we should probably get married now."  We set a date, and got pregnant a lot sooner than we had planned with her though and got married several months before we planned.  We had our wedding on the original day we had planned on though.

I'll write about our impromptu wedding in the next post I make.

The first time I realized I loved Michael was after I'd come back to school my sophomore year.  I went to homecoming with my girl friends and spent most of my night dancing with them.  I was dating someone who couldn't come to the dance with me, but at that point in our relationship I knew that it wasn't going to work.  Michael was dating someone else too.  We made small chit chat, sitting at the same table and all, since we have many mutual friends.  We danced once, and I think that was all it took.  After that one dance I knew that I still cared for him, deeply.  It wasn't too long after that I found out he had broken up with his girlfriend.  He asked me back out not long after that.  I told him that I had to give him an answer later, and broke up with my boyfriend as soon as I got home.  When Michael called me later I told him that I definitely wanted to be with him again.

It was hard at first.  I felt so awkward, knowing how much I loved him, but I felt like maybe I jumped in too quickly.  Michael was so intense, so loving.  We had a conversation that was hard on both of us, on the relationships we had while we were broken up.  I was glad he was honest with me though, even if it was hard to hear.  I couldn't blame him though for anything that happened when we weren't together.  

I was stupid and broke up with him again, after he told me he loved me because I was scared.  I fixed it quickly and told him how I felt, confusion and all.  I feel blessed that he never pushed, and let me come around on my own.  

Have I mentioned how much I love my husband?  I know that I hurt him while I was confused, but I'm glad he  stuck by me. :)

Homecoming

Jumping back in the timeline, as our first dance was before I left school.  My first homecoming was awesome.  I had a date, and I went there with my best friend and her, at the time boyfriend, who was also a good friend of mine (still is).

I wish I knew where a picture of it was so I could add it.  I have a couple in my huge box of pictures, but I won't be going through that at the moment.

So, I don't remember a whole lot of that night.  I know that Jessica came over to my house, we finished getting ready together until the boys showed up, Mikey and Thomas.  My dress was a light blue clingy dress, long, with little darker blue flower designs on it.  We got to the hotel for the dance and met up with all our friends.  All of us girls danced together a lot, and even though I had my own chair I think I used Mikey's lap mostly for a seat. :)

Dancing with him was hot, although a little awkward because of our heights.  I think Michael was already 6' and I was still probably 4'10-4'11.  I had so much fun with him though.  Michael's always been fun, he knows how to have a good time, and he's silly.  

Anytime I'm in a bad mood he knows just what to say to make me smile, or laugh.  He reminds me not to take everything as seriously as I normally do.  He really is just the best person for me. 

Speech Therapy

My first experience with speech therapy was with Jade.  She had a problem with words starting with s, she would forget the s.  She didn't go very long, after I worked with her for a couple of weeks, she started using the s sound.  Jade has always been a quick learner though.  She started walking and talking at 9 months old.  By a year old she was using 2-3 word sentences, and then by 16 months old was talking in complete sentences.  I mention this only to show how advanced she is.

Compared to Steven, there is a HUGE gap.  Going from Jade to Steven gave me slight anxiety.  Steven didn't walk until he was 14 months old, and didn't say his first word until he was around 18 months old.  There was very little language development following, until he was closer to 2 1/2.  He is smart, and receptively has no problems, but he just didn't talk.  From 2 1/2-3 he started talking in 2-3 word sentences and then now, just as he's turned 3 he's finally using full sentences, and becoming more coherent.

So, because I went from Jade to Steven, I was understandably a little concerned.  I know from my early childhood education courses that Steven was okay, academically, but I don't know as much about speech.  I convinced his Dr to give me a referral, and yesterday he had his speech evaluation.  He scored "normal" in everything, even in articulation and language, but he does have a slight lisp, which may or may not be caused by the fact that he refuses to give up his thumb.

So we'll be going once a week to speech to work on his lisp, and to see if he can score a little higher (as he was on the lower side of normal).  I really liked the speech therapist, she was really nice and awesome, and Steven was starting to warm up to her, I think this will help him a lot, and I think he'll enjoy having something that's for him, and not for the older two children.

Love

January 10, 1999

It's all Thomas's fault. :)

First Break-up

I have CFS.  For anyone that does not know that's Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  It's a real syndrome, it's not "all in my head", it's debilitating when its affecting you.  I would get dizzy if I stood for too long, I would wake up after a full nights sleep exhausted, I couldn't do the things I loved to do.  Watching TV exhausted me, just getting up to go eat would make me feel like I needed to go back to sleep.  I was constantly nauseous.

Because of this illness my Mom pulled me out of school and I homeschooled for the second half of my freshman year of high school, through the school system.  I had telephone conferences with my teachers.  Being out of school, and not being able to go anywhere but church, it made it hard to spend time with Michael.  We would talk on the phone all the time, but we didn't get any physical time together really.  He came over sometimes, but it wasn't a lot and I was missing out on having a regular teenage relationship.

My Mom and a lot of my friends told me that I should let Michael go.  That it was better if I concentrated on getting better, and that it wasn't fair of me to continue to "date" Michael when I couldn't actually go out anywhere with him.  I couldn't bring myself to talk to him about this issue.  I cared a lot about Michael, but I was still inexperienced when it came to dating, and I didn't want to hold him back.  I wanted him to be happy.  I don't think I was in love with him yet, but I was starting to fall for him.  So, like I said, I wasn't up to tell him in person, or on the phone.  I knew it would be harder to go through if I had to actually talk to him.  So I did the coward thing and I wrote him a letter.

I will say, that that was most definitely the stupidest thing I have ever done.  If I regret anything in my life, it's breaking up with Michael in a stupid note.  I should have had the courage to do it in person.  I think that our break-up was necessary in the course of our relationship, but I could have handled it better, and I know that I hurt Michael a lot with the way that I broke up with him.  Although I do not think that I was in love with him yet, I do think that Michael was in love with me, or at least very close.  I wasn't aware of that though, or I was in denial about it.

At this point in our relationship I still didn't think I was worthy of such an awesome person.  Some days I still don't.

First Date

Michael and I decided to go to the movies on our first date.  We went to see In and Out.  Very funny movie.  I believe at this point we'd been dating for a whole 2 weeks.  Big for me, seeing as how Michael was my first boyfriend.  I'd made it 2 weeks without him deciding I wasn't worth it.  We'd been talking on the phone all the time at this point, learning more about each other.  We had a lot of similar interests, in pop culture anyways.

So my Mom dropped us off at the theater, and let me know when she was going to pick us up.  We went in, and got popcorn and candy, and then sat down in the back of the theater.  I think we watched about half the movie, holding hands before Michael hit himself in the head with his other hand and said something under his breath.

I looked over at him and asked him what was wrong.  He mumbled again, and I said "huh"? I'd heard something like "Can I---you?  So he looked straight at me, and asked, "Can I kiss you?"  I nodded, and I think made a sound that maybe sounded like yes.  He leaned in and kissed me.  That wasn't my first kiss, but I was still inexperienced.  I'd only kissed one other person before, and that one was, well not what I had been expecting.  This one was, just amazing.  Everything you'd want first kisses to be.  We spent most of the rest of the movie kissing.  Except for the funny parts, where I almost choked on tongue because of the locker room scene in the movie.  Laughing and french kissing do not mix....in case you were ever wondering. :)

First Phone Call

I think Michael and I had been dating for a few days when he caught up with me as I was leaving to my bus.  He asked me if he could call me sometime.  I of course told him yes, and as I was walking away realized that I had not yet given him my phone number, and so I yelled at him to wait, didn't he need my number?

He told me no, that he already had it.  He called me that night, and I asked him how he got my number, and he told me that Cassie had given it to him, only he couldn't remember her name, so he called her the mommy or something like that.

Cassie informed me when I talked to her the next day, that Michael had also forgotten my name.  I tease him all the time about it, he asked Cassie for the number of the girl he was dating. She had to remind him what my name was. I should probably have been offended or upset about the fact that he forgot my name the first week we were dating, but honestly, I thought it was cute.

That should have been my first clue that this man was going to steal my heart.

First meeting

So if you know me, you've probably heard about the first time I met Michael, or you were there.  So feel free to skip reading if you want to. Now, my memory is slightly sketchy, given that this was of course 13 years ago.

September 25, 1997

The day started like any other day, got dressed, caught the bus, went to school.  I have no clue what my classes were, I know I had Orchestra towards the end of the day, and Mr. Hair's class was later in the day too I think.  I can't even remember what I wore that day, but I'm sure it was probably jeans, a t-shirt of some sort, possibly a flannel jacket, and maybe my boots?  Who knows.  I didn't do anything special that day I'm sure, I never really wore make-up or did my hair special or anything.  I always had it short then.

Lunch was during 5th period.  We had 3 lunches.  Don't ask me which one I had, I just knew I had it with Jen, she was in my class, I think it was science, who knows.  I didn't pay much attention. I knew everything being taught already.  Jen and I mostly just passed notes.  Now that I think about it, I think we had 2nd lunch.  Anyways, we had gotten our food, and were sitting down, towards the back of the cafeteria, but not all the way back, don't remember why, I know other years that was our designated "spot", the back row of the cafeteria.  I was sitting, facing Jen and Jen, and there were other people there too, friends, but honestly I don't remember who else was there.  Michael came in, and stopped at our table to talk for a minute.  I remember exactly what he was wearing.  So very Mikey.  He was wearing his moccasins, with green soccer socks.  He was wearing jean shorts, and his green alien shirt that says "mean humans suck".  He still has that shirt.  His clothing of course was weird to me.  He definitely has his own sense of style, but he was still the cutest boy I had ever seen.  He beat out any other boy I had seen, all my "real" boy crushes, and even all my "celebrity" crushes.  I noticed his lips, and then his eyes.  I still get lost in those eyes.  They are beautiful, usually a greyish green color, with flecks of gold and brown in them.  Michael is also one of those guys who pulls off long hair wonderfully.  I was jealous of his hair, pulled back in a ponytail, thick, a sandy brown color, with some curls were out around his face and ears.  I don't believe in love at first sight, but I was definitely taken.

I felt so insecure, like a child, sitting next to this man next to me, this really cute, really sexy man.  I was so nervous, sitting there.  The Jens introduced us, and I think I said hi, I don't know.  I just remember sneaking glances at him.  Who knows if I even at my lunch.  I think I talked to him more, in on the conversation going on.  I learned he was on the swim team, boy did that lead to images in my head that were inappropriate!

Too soon he left, and lunch was over.  Jen and I went back to class, sitting in the back, passing notes back and forth.  Jen mentioned Michael was single.  I told her I thought he was cute.  I spent most of the day daydreaming about him.

September 26, 1997

The next day, again, nothing special, although I think I put a little more thought into what I would wear, on the off chance I'd get to see Mikey again.  I remember wondering if he'd come sit with us at lunch again (it was many years later I learned he went to all the lunches as he skipped 5th period altogether).  He did of course.  We talked a little more for lunch, and he stayed a little longer.  I gave him my huge hershey bar, since I didn't know that he didn't like chocolate yet.  I kept the cover of the bar.  Michael told me he kept the bar in his refrigerator for awhile,  until one of his sisters ate it. I don't remember who it was that said it, one of the Jens, but at some point I remember, in the pleasant, small talk, "you two should date" rang out.  I think, no, I know I blushed.  We both said okay, and we were made to hold hands while Jen declared us dating.  We hugged goodbye when the bell rang and we knew I had to get to class.

It was a good day, one of my top ten.  That day changed my life.  I started dating the man I would eventually call husband, even if I didn't know it.  He has changed my life, for the better.  We've gone through so much, but we've done it together.

I don't wanna miss a thing.

My anniversary is coming up.  We'll be celebrating 6 years this year.  Michael's going to miss this anniversary too.  I think, a long time ago this would have bothered me.  I think I've mellowed a lot as I've gotten older.  Things like this just don't seem as important anymore.  Having my husband home at any point for me now is a time of celebration.

So, in honor of our anniversary, and in the theme of celebrating our love for longer than just one day, I plan to post some of the more stand out memories of our relationship, starting from the beginning until recent, until the day of our anniversary.

I have 13 1/2 years of memories of Michael to think back on.  I have a feeling this will be fun.

Michael, once this anniversary hits, will have missed half of our anniversaries.  Our first one was spent apart because he was in Korea.  Our second one we spent adjusting to our first move to Ft. Campbell.  Our 3rd one we were separated, with Michael in Iraq.  We got to spend both our 4th and 5th anniversaries together, and this year he'll still be in Afghanistan.  I'm pretty much just grateful that I could have any of my anniversaries with him.  Plus I know that next year, I'll have him with me. :)

I think it's funny.

I am sick, so if this is rambling, or doesn't make sense, please excuse me.  I'm tired of people assuming I'm a tree-hugging liberal hippy just because I have decided that living a natural is a better way to live. I have decided instead to trust in God to be the influence in my life, rather than trusting in man's overwhelming influences in the world. 

God created my body to grow life, to protect it in my womb, to birth the baby with no help, not even from me, and to nurture my child at my breast.  God didn't make a mistake when he created all this, so who am I to say that he didn't know what he was doing and instead trust man who says I shouldn't trust my own body and instincts?  Why is this world so keen on telling women that their own instincts are wrong, that they can't trust their bodies to do what they are MADE to do?

So many things can go wrong.  That's the main argument.  Yep, so many things can go wrong, especially when you trust in man to tell you how to birth instead of trusting in God, and the perfectness he created.  Our bodies, even if we were unconscious would birth a child.  Let go of your fear, trust in the way your body was made, and allow your body to work.  

Again, I trust my immune system the way God made it.  Vaccines SUPPRESS the immune system for a short time after being vaccinated.  You are at a higher risk of getting sick after getting vaccinated.  I think maybe there is something wrong there.

I am going BACK to the way GOD wanted for us.  I am trusting in HIS infinite wisdom in how he created our bodies.  I trust that he gives people wisdom to help, when needed, but I think too many people rely too much on man's wisdom and not God's.  We are plagued by so many new diseases and problems in our world now, and they started about the time that we stopped trusting in God's perfectness and instead in man's "knowledge".  

I am conservative.  I am NOT a liberal tree-hugging hippy.  I think that family values are important, I think that children need two parents, with one at home taking care of them.  I believe that I can teach my kids, who I know completely better than someone who only gets them for one year.  I believe that God has created my body to give birth, to nurture and to heal, naturally.  I believe that God created our complex yet perfect bodies the way they SHOULD be, from birth.  

I believe we should start trusting more in God again.  I think we should have more personal responsibility.  I think natural consequences are a necessity in learning.  I believe I deserve to keep what I earn, and should have the choice of what to give to others.  

Mostly I'm tired of hearing that the only people who could trust in their bodies are new aged hippies.

Oh and a disclaimer for those who might get offended: These are my opinions, and are a general sweeping statement, I do take into consideration lifestyles that may not fit the mold of what I think is "right" and still like you, on a case by case basis. :)  I even like some liberal people!

Valentine's Day

Michael always makes such a bigger deal out of this day than I do.  Normally I could care less about this day.  I used to care more about it, when I was younger, but really, as I've gotten older, I don't care as much about receiving things.  I would much prefer little signs of love on a daily basis than large signs of love only on gift giving occasions.

However, I do get those little signs of love, and then sometimes, like today, Michael blows me out of the water with his kindness, generosity and all around loving manner!

He picked out a Nook for me, and accessories to go with it.  It's joint Valentine's Day/anniversary present (which I had to convince him of because he was going to get something else for our anniversary).  Then, even though it was late for him, he stayed on the computer, with the kids so I could get a shower while they were distracted by him.

Now, he has his laptop set up in front of their TV so I can, kind of, see the superbowl.  He's not even watching it, he doesn't even like football, but he made sure to call me as soon as he knew it was on just so I could watch it from his TV.

That man loves me! :)