22 April 2011

The Liberal Commandments

According to the Religious Far Left (as if there is such a thing)
I. Thou shalt have no other God except thyself; after all, it is thy self esteem that counts. If thou doth not love thee, who will?
II. Thou shalt not make any graven images out of any substances which cannot be recycled.
III. Thou shalt not take the name of the liberals in criticism, including feminists, radical minorities, or any person who thinks he is a victim of America.
IV. Remember the anniversaries of Roe v. Wade, Anita Hill's testimony before the Senate Judiciary Committee, and the start of Obama's presidencies, and keep them holy.
V. Honor thy mother. If she's dysfunctional, it's thy father's fault.
VI. Thou shalt not kill, with these exceptions: life starts at the time of birth and those opting for medically assisted suicides.
VII. Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless thou aspires to high political office, useth a condom, or thou cannot help it.
VIII. Thou shalt not steal, unless thou art disadvantaged or upset with a jury verdict.
IX. Thou shalt not bear false witness, unless thou art discussing the history of the 1980s, art campaigning, or can afford good legal counsel in the event thou art discovered -- and can ask the American people to pay thy legal bills.
X. Thou shalt not covet, unless thou art the victim of gender-related oppression, salary-related biased, institutional racism or are still angry with the Bush tax-cuts.
XI. Always hide the real truth about thyself.
XII. Never admit who or what thou really art when campaigning for office.
XIII. Always blame someone else for what thou doest, even so far as to blame society as a whole.
XIV. Thou shalt oppose all punishment, except when conservative, Republican or religious right people criticize thee.