24 April 2010

Life and Love

My views on love....cause I know you're all dying to know right??

I don't believe in love at first sight, and I don't believe that there is only one perfect person for you.  I think this leads to disappointment in relationships honestly.  I think that the key to making a relationship work and last is having realistic views on relationships.  It's not always going to be sunshine and rainbows.

The first thing to make a relationship work is to find someone who has enough similar interests that you can work well as a team, and second is to make sure you compliment each other.  With Michael and I we have many similar interests, and we also compliment each other.  He's not very good with finances or reading, and I am, and I'm horrible with outdoorsy things, electronics, or fixing things, and he's amazing at it, we have strengths where the other has faults.

I've learned this by experience.  When I first met Michael I was only 15 years old and I believed in fairy tales.  I believed in an ideal of love, of a relationship and while I did love Michael it was a very childish and unrealistic love.  I think we were both in this mindset of what we thought a relationship should be like, and it caused us a lot of problems.

We did a lot of breaking up and getting back together.  It did finally look like we wouldn't make it.  It was some time between 18-21 that I grew up some, and I knew that there was a chance that Michael and I would grow apart.  We stopped putting a label on our relationship at that point though, and just spent time as lovers and friends with very little strings attached (because there's always strings).  That was when I learned that what I had wanted before from Michael was unrealistic.  I can't speak for him, but I think he might agree, and that what he wanted was slightly unrealistic too.

Now I believe that if you find someone compatible you can love them with all your heart and make your relationship work.  But it takes work also.  It takes the knowledge that sometimes things aren't going to work out the way you want them to, and the ability to adapt to those changes.  Relationships grow, relationships change, and you have to be willing to bend and flow with these changes like water if you want your relationship to last.   You have to be willing to look at your own flaws and work on them, and communicate with your partner.  You have to be willing to not look outside the relationship to "make things better".  The grass is NOT always greener on the other side because I honestly don't think that if you cannot be happy in the relationship you're in, that you could find happiness in another relationship.  Obviously though both partners have to feel this way to make a relationship work.

When Michael and I were teenagers, one of the biggest reasons we didn't work is because we were not on the same page, we wanted different things, and we couldn't communicate effectively.  We could not work because we were working against each other.  Looking back I can see it.  We couldn't work until Michael and I were on the same page, until we wanted the same things, so even though we both loved each other it just wouldn't work then.  I also think the fact that we loved each other was a huge part on why we couldn't make a relationship with anyone else work either, and I eventually realized this.

Once I had realized it, I just opened myself up to any kind of relationship I could have with Michael, and just allowed things to happen on their own.

Now, as I'm sure many people believe, Michael and I did get back together because I got pregnant.  But, despite what I'm sure some people believe, this actually helped our relationship (although I would NOT recommend this to anyone else) but it helped put us on the right track.  We were finally ready to work together on our relationship and we both wanted the same things.

I have never been happier.  Sure, we still have our ups and downs, but we work on it together and we're committed to each other.

I felt the need to reflect on this with Michael overseas.  We've had a long hard journey to get to where we are, and while some of it was horrible I wouldn't change a thing.  That's what got us to where we are today and I think the journey is just as important.  Our relationship may not work as well if we hadn't gone through everything we had.

Michael and I have been together solidly for 6 1/2 years, and married for a little over 5 years.  We have 4 beautiful children who are amazing and wonderful and while the military life is hard, I wouldn't change anything with my life.  My life with Michael is so rewarding and I am so in love!