Life and Love

My views on love....cause I know you're all dying to know right??

I don't believe in love at first sight, and I don't believe that there is only one perfect person for you.  I think this leads to disappointment in relationships honestly.  I think that the key to making a relationship work and last is having realistic views on relationships.  It's not always going to be sunshine and rainbows.

The first thing to make a relationship work is to find someone who has enough similar interests that you can work well as a team, and second is to make sure you compliment each other.  With Michael and I we have many similar interests, and we also compliment each other.  He's not very good with finances or reading, and I am, and I'm horrible with outdoorsy things, electronics, or fixing things, and he's amazing at it, we have strengths where the other has faults.

I've learned this by experience.  When I first met Michael I was only 15 years old and I believed in fairy tales.  I believed in an ideal of love, of a relationship and while I did love Michael it was a very childish and unrealistic love.  I think we were both in this mindset of what we thought a relationship should be like, and it caused us a lot of problems.

We did a lot of breaking up and getting back together.  It did finally look like we wouldn't make it.  It was some time between 18-21 that I grew up some, and I knew that there was a chance that Michael and I would grow apart.  We stopped putting a label on our relationship at that point though, and just spent time as lovers and friends with very little strings attached (because there's always strings).  That was when I learned that what I had wanted before from Michael was unrealistic.  I can't speak for him, but I think he might agree, and that what he wanted was slightly unrealistic too.

Now I believe that if you find someone compatible you can love them with all your heart and make your relationship work.  But it takes work also.  It takes the knowledge that sometimes things aren't going to work out the way you want them to, and the ability to adapt to those changes.  Relationships grow, relationships change, and you have to be willing to bend and flow with these changes like water if you want your relationship to last.   You have to be willing to look at your own flaws and work on them, and communicate with your partner.  You have to be willing to not look outside the relationship to "make things better".  The grass is NOT always greener on the other side because I honestly don't think that if you cannot be happy in the relationship you're in, that you could find happiness in another relationship.  Obviously though both partners have to feel this way to make a relationship work.

When Michael and I were teenagers, one of the biggest reasons we didn't work is because we were not on the same page, we wanted different things, and we couldn't communicate effectively.  We could not work because we were working against each other.  Looking back I can see it.  We couldn't work until Michael and I were on the same page, until we wanted the same things, so even though we both loved each other it just wouldn't work then.  I also think the fact that we loved each other was a huge part on why we couldn't make a relationship with anyone else work either, and I eventually realized this.

Once I had realized it, I just opened myself up to any kind of relationship I could have with Michael, and just allowed things to happen on their own.

Now, as I'm sure many people believe, Michael and I did get back together because I got pregnant.  But, despite what I'm sure some people believe, this actually helped our relationship (although I would NOT recommend this to anyone else) but it helped put us on the right track.  We were finally ready to work together on our relationship and we both wanted the same things.

I have never been happier.  Sure, we still have our ups and downs, but we work on it together and we're committed to each other.

I felt the need to reflect on this with Michael overseas.  We've had a long hard journey to get to where we are, and while some of it was horrible I wouldn't change a thing.  That's what got us to where we are today and I think the journey is just as important.  Our relationship may not work as well if we hadn't gone through everything we had.

Michael and I have been together solidly for 6 1/2 years, and married for a little over 5 years.  We have 4 beautiful children who are amazing and wonderful and while the military life is hard, I wouldn't change anything with my life.  My life with Michael is so rewarding and I am so in love!

I have an issue

I have an issue, and my issue is this.  I'm tired of being called racist if I don't like Obama.  Trust me when I say that the color of his skin as nothing to do with why I don't like him, as a person or a president.  I don't even get why people are playing the race card, he's not even completely black or white, he's both.  So by saying you don't like his race, you're halfway saying you don't like your own.

What I dislike about Obama, let me count the ways.  One, he's arrogant.  Oh yes, he talks pretty, but pretty words don't mean anything if you don't stand behind them.  Sure Obama's "changing" things, but are they really for the better of America?  He's changing things into socialism.  I mean, sure I guess that's great if you want a socialistic society, but I honestly don't.  I don't see what was wrong with our constitution to begin with so yes I'm going to get angry when a president comes in and continues to change our country towards socialism.  Socialism does not work and I don't want my kids growing up, learning to work hard and provide for themselves and being forced to provide for those that refuse to!  I want my kids growing up in a land where hard work and perseverance is exalted and praised!

Back to Obama's arrogance, and how about his disdain for this great country?  He's more than once apologized for us.  I don't think he had a right to do that. and honestly, if you felt like he did, what are you doing in a country you don't like anyways?  Find one that would better suit your needs!  Obama shows reverence to our enemies, countries that harbor terrorists and give weapons to said terrorists and somehow this is okay?  Then he insults our allies....I just don't see the appeal in Obama.  He says we're not a Christian nation, but that is what the puritans founded our country on, Christian, or at least God's values.  Maybe not Christ, but we are a religious nation, and the ideals of our forefathers sure did look Christian, but I guess maybe that's a coincidence.

I also do not believe that just because he is the president, and because my husband is military that I should be forced to just accept what is happening.  So many people bashed Bush, said they wouldn't follow him, were ridiculously stupid toward him and then told us that they could, because they were American and had that right, but now that Obama is in office apparently us conservatives are not afforded the same right.  I for one never stated that you had to follow Bush, or that you didn't have the right to protest.  So I expect the same courtesy now that I feel the need to protest our country turning to socialism.  No one, should be able to force me to provide for anyone who is not of my family, without my permission or say so.  If I want to donate money, I will, but it will be to a cause of MY choosing.

So, in conclusion of this very everywhere blog, trust me when I say it is NOT Obama's race I'm against, get me a very intelligent COMPETENT man or woman of any color and I will vote for them!  I would have voted for Condoleeza Rice, so trust me, it is NOT his race!

Health Care

With this new healthcare bill being pushed through and fine tuned now I've had a lot of thoughts.  I had been hoping that congress would have been smart enough to listen to the majority of the people, knowing this was NOT what we wanted but they ignored the cries of the people.  I believe in healthcare reform, don't get me wrong, but I do not want to be, or anyone else to be pushed into buying health care.  I don't believe in socialism and I don't think it's my personal responsibility, or anyone else's to pay for all the people who cannot afford healthcare.  I think health care would be more affordable if we encouraged more free market tactics with the existing private insurance companies.  Instead of being state to state, allow them to cross state lines, create more competition, that's what drives prices down, not government control.  That's going to drive prices up, and when we don't have the money to pay for the medical services the government will then decide what they think are the procedures you're allowed to have.  It's not going to give us more freedom, or better healthcare, in fact, the opposite.  Who is going to want to be a doctor when they have to accept patients from a bankrupt government? There's a reason that even now so many doctors won't take medicaid or medicare, because they have to fight to get paid!

I also do not want to be told who I can see, or what procedures I am allowed to have.  I already have that problem with Tricare.  I wanted a homebirth and Tricare told me no, they won't cover it, even though it would be cheaper on them then it would have been if I had gone to a hospital.  It'll be the same under mass government insurance.

It is also unconstitutional to force the nation to buy anything, and yet, if you do not buy private, or government health insurance you'll be fined.  How is this okay?   How is this NOT taking away our freedom to choose for ourselves what we want?  I would honestly rather eliminate the need for insurance and pay out of pocket for all my medical needs, I'm already doing a lot of that anyways.  I don't like the doctors on post, and would rather my kids have a natural health doctor, or a chiropractor as their PCM and I would rather see my awesome midwife than go to an OB when I'm pregnant and both of these have to be paid out of pocket as it stands.

I honestly cannot see how anyone could have support this massive drain on our already failing economy and support taking away even more of our freedoms.

I'm not sure how much more I can take....

Michael is officially deployed.  I've started my countdown, got my donut of misery up and running at its measly 1%.  It sucks.  Even more so I went down here to Florida, to be away from the pain and heartache, to escape from reality for a little bit.  I was excited, my Mom was finally home, I could spend some time with her, she was doing better, eating sleeping, and now...and now.  She had 2 seizures in front of me.  She was barely coherent when they took her away on the ambulance.  Now they don't know what's going on and if she's going to get better from this new setback.

If it's not one thing its another.  I would really like to talk to Michael right now, in fact my first instinct was to call him, and I tried, but of course I couldn't.  I'm scared for my Mom, and for Michael.  I'm just right now concentrating on trying to be strong for my kids.

This all just sucks!

Are you an ostrich?

I think this is what I'm going to start calling those extremist liberals who think that Obama is doing *so* great for our country.  I'm just going to talk about the economy right now, there's much more I could talk about but I don't want this to go on forever, so I'll just stick to one thing.

Are you an ostrich?  Do you stick your head in the sand so you won't see the truth of what's going on?  Were we not told that with Obama in office that we would know exactly what was going on at all times, that nothing would be done in secret?  That we would be informed Americans?  I remember that horrible lie of a speech don't you?  And yet.  Here we are with a 2400 page health care bill (which not all of it deals with the new health care plan) and do you know what all is in it?  Did congress when they passed it?  I doubt it.  

I heard so many people say how this will be better, everyone will have health care.  Yea.  Only now everyone has the government to tell them what they can do with their health care, but oh wait, wasn't that one of the complaints Americans had about the insurance companies, that they dictated what you could and could not do with your doctors?  Now the government will do it instead of the insurance company.  Oh joy!  

Also, how are we going to pay for this when we're already so much in debt?  Just taxing the rich is not going to work.  They are going to have to tax the middle and poor people.  Everyone who complained about Bush now has their heads in the sand...."oh it's not that bad".....right, and the fact that Obama has spent 3 TIMES MORE than what Bush did in his EIGHT years in office is nothing right?  Obama has been in office how long?  Oh yea, only TWO YEARS and yet he's spent 3 times more than Bush did the entire time he was in office.....how can that be okay?  Why are we tax payers also paying for Michele Obama to have the millions of aides she has?  She doesn't need that many!

This was supposed to be a bipartisan effort right?  Obama said he was going to try and bring the two parties together to work on things together, and yet deceit was used to pass this healthcare bill.  Make the beginning look amazing and great so it'll pass, put the stuff you wouldn't actually want in the last 2399 pages....

So if this was such a GREAT bill, and we would all want this then why do we STILL not know anything about it?  Why are we going to be taxed now for something we can't even use yet?  And if it's SO great why doesn't the president, or congress want to use it too?

Did you know that to begin with it wouldn't have considered Tricare recipients covered?  Yea, the gov't already provides me with insurance, but that isn't enough control, I could have been covered twice.....um, yea.  

How about the wonderful home visits for families.  What happened to having the freedom to make your own choices about your family?  I do my research.  I have damn good reasons to not vaccinate my children, or send them to public school.  But what happens when the people they send to do these home visits decide that they know what's better for my kids than I do?  

Who gives them that right?  Oh yea, we did when we elected these idiots into office so they could control our lives.

This is NOT America.  America was NOT built on socialism, it was built on freedom from anyone's control, church or government.  Remember how oppressed people were by England and the church over there?  Isn't that what our fore fathers fought against?  Yet, we're allowing the government now to oppress us.  We should stand up and say NO!

If we continue to stick our heads in the sand things are only going to get worse around us.

Pre-Deployment

If you've never been through a deployment, or prepared for one, you'll have no idea what I'm experiencing at the moment.  This is the first time I'll be driving Michael up there, and dropping him off knowing full well that he'll get on a plane and head overseas.  It's a first because of circumstances.  When Michael went to Korea, I had just had a baby 2 months previously and flying myself and 2 babies out to South Korea's DMZ did not sound like a great idea.  Now I regret it, but then we both thought what was best was for me to stay put and wait it out.  However, I was in FL and he in Ga when he left.

Then Iraq, I had moved back down to FL because I was pregnant with Steven, and Michael was supposed to leave before I gave birth.  We wanted me around family and friends so that I wouldn't have to find childcare or give birth completely alone. So we talked up until the moment he got on the plane, and then at every stop, but I didn't take him to wait for the plane or stand there watching him get on.  So I don't think I ever faced the reality of it.

We have a date and time for the leaving ceremony.  I'm having a hard time keeping it together.  I've managed to not cry too much in front of the kids, but its getting harder.  I'm trying to be  strong and I'm failing miserably.  This time the kids and I will be there for the ceremony.  I don't know if we'll then watch him get on a plane or not, probably a bus, but we'll be there to see it.  I know that I'll be driving him there to send him overseas.  Sending him to a country where so many people hate us and want to see us dead just because we're American.  I'll feel responsible if anything happens.

I'm scared to lose this amazing man.  I want to spend my life with him, I want to grow old with him.  I want our children to know this amazing man that I know.  They are all so young, so young.  James will have the most memories if something happens, but I know from experience, eventually those memories fade, he'll forget Michael's voice, and start to remember memories only from photographs.  I was 9 when I lost my father.  I'm scared most for my children.  I will I comfort them if something happens?  I feel panicked just thinking they may have to go through what I did.  Steven knows Daddy, but he won't remember him, Jade will have fleeting memories at best, and Willow wouldn't know her daddy at all.

I'm trying to think positively, but it's hard.

So many emotions going through me right now.  It's time now though to go, enjoy my husband before he leaves.  If you read this, keep my husband in your thoughts and prayers over this year please.  We'll both need all the positive thoughts and prayers that can be spared.