16 December 2010

Sometimes I feel like my relationship was never normal

Looking back at how our relationship started, when it started, how old we were when it started, the chips were stacked against us.  Statistically we *should* have failed.  I met him when I was 15 years old.  I didn't even know anything besides his name and who a handful of his friends were when we started "dating".  I knew he was possibly the cutest boy I'd ever seen.  He made me forget all other crushes I had at the moment (a total of 2).

We both sabotaged our relationship in more ways then one throughout most of it, in fact, really when I think about it, our "real" relationship, that moment that I think both of us decided this was forever was when I got pregnant with James.  However, we could not have got to where we are in our relationship now without all the pain, heartache and fun of our "earlier" relationship.

By the time we stood in front of his grandfather to say our vows to each other I felt like I married him years ago.  I waited for our relationship to change dynamic after we said those vows, but we were already living together, for more than a year, we had a 9 month old son together, and when we went home that night, it was the same as every other.  The only thing that changed in my mind was that now, when I scribbled "Crystal Strickland" on papers, it was true, that was my name, not just wishful thinking.

It's amazing how much Michael and I have gone through together, not all of it would I want to remember, but I also think those times are important.  They helped shape our relationship.  I can't even express how exactly I feel about him.  He was amazing enough when I first met him, with his goofy socks, and alien "humans suck" shirt, to now, knowing him as well as anyone could.  He's still amazing, but he blows me away sometimes.  His generosity, his compassion, his geekiness.  I love everything about him, even the things that drive me up the wall, like his need to start reorganizing things and then getting distracted and leaving it half done.

Michael loves simply, easily.  He gives his all.  It's not complex and there's no hidden motive.  He loves you, he tries to take care of you and make you happy to the best of his ability.  It's different from the way I love, but in no way less pure.  That was one of the lessons I had to learn, and so did he.  We had to adjust to having someone love us in a way we don't necessarily understand.  I couldn't relate to just simple love, I'm consumed by it.  I still am.  Every fiber of my being loves him.

My Michael, my husband, my lifemate.  I am excited to grow old with him, am proud that I chose such a worthy man even when I was hormonal teenager. I'm proud to say that I'm married to the man I lost my virginity to ;).  I'm glad I never stopped believing in him, and the love we shared, it would have probably been easier to just let go.  Okay probably not, since I tried that and it threatened to overtake me, but sometimes it seems like it would have been.  So many times I felt that trying to make our relationship work was trying to climb a mountain without any help at all.

My personal message to my husband is this, I love you.  Just simply, I love you.  You're happiness is important to me, you're dreams and goals are a part of my dreams and goals.  I love you, and I can't wait to be in your arms again, you are my anchor, in my sea of emotions and feelings, you're my life line.  I can't thank God enough for putting you in my path, and continuously putting you there, and pushing me in all the right directions that led us to here.

I love you.